ramblings of me

There are just tooo many choices out there so much so that they are quite overwhelming and make me fell quite nauseous.Which university to go to?which course do i take? what to wear? how to act? what to be? do i stay or do i go?!? i don't bloody know THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
Maybe i'll just take the easy way out and become even more of an nobody, a pale faced robot endlessly walking about blank and empty; souless.
Maybe that's my destiny or maybe that's just me, i don't know neither do i care. All i know is that i don't want to be here any more, maybe i'll escape to a desert island where nobody else exists or become a hermit.I can't face the superficial stares the ticking clocks or uglyness of humanity, it's sickening and repulsive and i don't want to be a part of it any more. Maybe it is possible to go an alternate reality in my mind, if people who have an religious experience are experiencing some genuine real entity, then why can't i live in my mind because it would be hyperthetical real in some sense.I could be the god of my own existence in total control, creating everything and nothing letting my creation be.
or i could just be talking in nonsensical circles, i could just except my mundane pointless existence as a brute fact and wait for it to end, or i could take control and end it now. I wonder if there is such a thing as reincarntion, well there is only one way to find out.

today is a day just like any other;intolerable and tedious with no meaning and no point.
i wish i could just be, instead of ought to be, to shut the rest of the world off and live in my own little psychodelic fantasy where trees can talk and cat's bark instead of meow and where humans don't exist.

if only...........then my life would be that just little bit more worth living. at the moment i feel like giving it to the next person who asks for it. i wish kayliegh were here instead of me, at least she was actually doing something with hers and she deserved to live, if i could of given it to her i would of but i can't. so i'm going to let it rot in protest and when the smell becomes too bad i'm going to throw it away and demand another.